As I shift my focus from my proposed area of research to beginning my ACTUAL inquiry. To know I am now on the home straight is indeed an exciting prospect but on the flip side I am also extremely fearful of completion. A feeling am sure many of you can relate to.
Throughout this entire process I have continually questioned my own ability, asking many questions such as; Am I doing this right? What does this mean? Am I actually going to pass? Repeating the same negative commentary internally, I cant do this, I don' t know what am doing, am going to fail, CAN SOMEONE HELP!!!
It's this negative thought process that lead me to my final inquiry. I wondered why I was always so hard on myself especially when it comes to something I am passionate about. The more I want to succeed the inner hard critique reappears, only listening to all the negative talk and thoughts of self destruct. This is a pattern I have grown so used to, impacting both my behavior and emotions, and I wanted to understand 'where' I learnt this pattern of thinking.
In Module 1, through engaging with my past experiences to where my learning begin. I was researching into my role as personal tutor and within researching the importance of pastoral care in education, I thought did I ever have a tutorial whilst in training? I actually couldn't remember a single occasion when any member of staff sat down with my 18 year old self, and ask How are you? I moved 300 miles away from my parents and lived in a Hostel ran by nuns. I mean of course I was not ok!
I quickly recognized this particular stage of my life as a significant area of learning. The lack of personal support that I believe now only fed into my own insecurities, there wasn't the guidance, care and attention to my well-being that now in reflection is probably what I needed.I am sure you can all relate to, in dance training and teaching there is a large emphasis upon, getting it right? which in my negative thought process I translate to, ;I am doing it all wrong'
Its through this acknowledgement that has been the bases of my research, and I am now placing myself at the center of my research, using my personal narrative as my qualitative method to gain a sociological understanding. The reasoning behind this blog is in the hope for you all to comment upon your experiences, feeling towards this subject area, if you wish to comment privately then please do so.
The main aim is to investigate if dance training does impact the perception we have on ourselves. Where does this stem from? A significant event or a chain of events? Yours maybe a positive experience, I mean don't get me wrong I had plenty too.
Thank all.
